Mail-Order Bride Stories

 

Photo by Dalyn Weller. 

(Real wedding day photos)

So, about those Mail Order Brides...

Or How the West was Built.

We're all familiar with the men who went West to seek their fortunes, escape, or maybe they were just young and craved a bit of adventure. But what about the women who went West? I don't mean the wives and daughters who endured the rugged trail and all the hardships to build something with their husbands or fathers. I mean women who went West on their own.

You have heard about arranged marriages, but have you heard about mail-order brides? See, the West was full of lonely men. There just happened to be a shortage of men back East after the Civil War, and many of those left went West. Some were facing the loss of everything dear, some needed a change after the terrible toll war had taken on them and theirs, but whatever the reason, the West was full of men, riches, hardships, and potential. But had very few women.

Many men sought wives from the abundance of single and widowed women in the East. They faced their own hardships: poverty, loneliness, and a lack of suitors, dads, and brothers. The West might have seemed pretty good for a poor woman working in a factory or selling matches, fruit, coal, or doing mending, barely earning enough to survive. Many women placed advertisements for a husband to escape poverty.

I have read many of the reprinted advertisements. They can be good for a laugh, but they also offer great insight into how people of that era lived and thought. Their worldview was different from our modern views. 

Can you imagine the bravery it took to agree to leave everything familiar and marry a stranger? What a risk! But if you have nothing to lose, it might be the best option. 

It was common to put in an advertisement-or answer one-in a marriage broker's magazine or even the newspapers. Why not if your options are few or even none? Women wanted their own home and family away from the crime and filth of the cities. Men were lonely for the nurturing company of women and home-cooked meals. Many of them missed mothers and sisters and wanted their own families. They craved a home, not just a house...music, art, literature, and all the things women bring to make a place a community and not just a camp.

Why do we still like to read these stories?

• There's instant tension. Two people who don't know each other are thrown together. We want to know if they will regret their choice.
• We love a fresh start.
• We like to read about danger. The West was not safe.
• There's something satisfying about a hero who chooses a wife for practical reasons, or a heroine who chooses a man for practicality. When, at the end, they choose each other, we sigh.
• Some of us were perhaps descended from a mail-order bride and are curious.
• Some of us like stories of brave, hopeful women. 

Little House on the Prairie and other pioneer shows are still popular today because we love stories about people who overcome hardship, choose to love and hope for it after the commitment has already been made. 

I loved writing my mail-order bride story. Last year, one of my writing groups decided to explore mail-order bride stories and had so much fun writing them that we have decided to continue the series. The Wild Rose Ridge Historicals are fun novellas in Kindle Unlimited and available in Print and some in Audio. Check them out HERE

 

You can read my book, which was recently a finalist in The Women Writing the West WILLA Literary Award, 2026 romance category. I'm over the moon about that.

You can find Elinore HERE

A frontier town in need of taming.
A threadbare socialite with everything to prove.
And a lonely bachelor who’s never been kissed.

When Elinore Cantrell’s reckless father gambles away their fortune, society slams its doors, and danger opens a darker one. Her only escape from paying back her father’s debt to a “gentleman’s club” is the Wild West, as a mail-order bride. If a husband in Wild Rose Ridge can restore her good name, she’ll face the unknown in Washington Territory and stake her last hope on a stranger.

Robert Cameron is a wealthy farmer with plenty of land and no one to share it with. His mother’s scandalous past has ensured that. Thirty-five years ago, she arrived tattered and bruised, with a baby and a bag of gold. The whispers never stopped, and the handful of women on the Ridge shun her still.

Robert’s one chance for happiness rests in a bride who knows nothing of his family’s shadowed reputation. But when Elinore steps off the boat expecting wealth and status, she finds a modest man and a truth she’s not sure she can accept.
She’s traded one scandal for another.

Sometimes, what begins in desperation can grow into a love stronger than any dare to dream. On the rugged frontier, hearts aren’t easily tamed… but miracles bloom where the soil is hardest.

The Romanichal in A BRIDE FOR HEDDWYN by Jacqui Nelson

My newest book, A Bride for Heddwyn (Songbird Junction, book 2), is finally here! 

And today is the last day to snag this story along with 3 more of mine—A Bride for Brynmor (Songbird Junction, book 1), Robyn: A Christmas Bride, and The Calling Birds—for just $0.99 each. Or you can read them for free with Kindle Unlimited. 

Heddwyn Llewellyn and Oriole's story was fun to write for many reasons. One was the Rominchal and a wagon they sold to Oriole in exchange for her help cleansing a spiritual link to one of their dead. They are (or at least their headman is) also hoping to secure a union with Oriole (who is a talented musician). 

Two "jumping the broom" marriages happen, but they aren't the ones the Romanichal were suspecting. But wait—who are the Romanichal? 

Romanichal History in Britain and America

• The Roma or Romani people were often called Gypsies or Gipsies, which can be a derogatory word with connotations of illegality and irregularity.
• The word Romanichal is derived from Romani chal.
• Chal is the Anglo-Romani word for fellow.
• Under anti-Romani laws, many of the Romanichal were harassed or killed or transported to Newfoundland, the West Indies, and European countries—who eventually forced the Romanichal's transport to other places like the United States. 
• Those deported often did not survive as an ethnic group because their social fabric was destroyed after their separation from their families, their long sea passages, and their resettlements. 
• Some estimate that there are now more people of Romanichal descent in America than in Britain. 

Romanichal Marriages

• Marrying a non-Roma was usually taboo but some Romanichal defied this dictate. 
• Jumping the broom is a phrase and custom relating to a wedding ceremony (often associated with the Romanichal especially in Wales) where the couple jumps over a broom. It was popularized during the introduction of civil marriage in Britain with the Marriage Act 1836.

Romanichal Wagons

• A vardo or living wagon is a traditional horse-drawn wagon used by Romanichal Travelers as their home. They include a small cast-iron cooking stove and were often intricately carved and brightly painted. Today these carvings and paintings are seen as a cultural highpoint of artistic design and a masterpiece of woodcrafters art. 

Romanichal Superstitions 

• Some Romanichal believe in ghosts.  
• To cleanse the link between the living and the dead, property belonging to the deceased (including their wagon homes) might need to be destroyed by burning in a ritual cleansing. 

All of the above led to a lot of complications for Oriole and Heddwyn. But wait—who are Heddwyn and Oriole? 

A Bride for Heddwyn's Book Blurb

Secrets are everywhere…

From the moment she met her sisters in a Qu’Appelle Valley orphanage, Oriole has rewritten her past to protect her present. Now Lark is married, Wren is lost, and Oriole is on a mission to find Wren before their cruel and controlling troupe manager does. In order to succeed, she must cling to her lies and evade the only man she ever let come close, the fast-talking Llewellyn brother who deserted her without a word. 

Second chances are few…

From the moment he first heard Oriole sing with her sisters in a Cheyenne saloon, notoriously scatterbrained Heddwyn Llewellyn’s desire to change gained focus. Until tragedy struck. To protect his brothers and sister, Heddwyn turned his back on love and the only woman who’d ever riveted his attention—all while refusing to talk to him. Now, after two years apart, Oriole’s finally back in his life and so is a shot at redemption.

The Songbird Sisters’ quest for freedom may have reunited Oriole and Heddwyn, but it’s also tearing them apart. Her sadistic troupe manager is more than happy to maim and murder to get his money-making musicians back. Can two hearts always on the run finally stand still long enough to save each other and their love too?

A Bride for Heddwyn's Opening Excerpt

If you haven't read the opening of A Bride for Heddwyn, visit my WEBSITE or head to AMAZON to check out both this book and book 1 in my Songbird Junction series—where Welsh meets West in 1878.  

~ * ~

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WOOOO WEEE!!! It's nigh time to get your man traps ready!

Well girls, it’s about to happen. I know you’ve been waiting four long hard years just pining away for your handsome young man and Saturday time is up. In my neck of the woods, February 29^th is Sadie Hawkins Day!!!!

I know some of you young’ens have no hoot and a holler of who Sadie Hawkins might be! Let me enlighten you just a wee bit. 

Miss Sadie was invented by Al Capp in his comic strip Lil’ Abner. Abner was set in the fictional town of Dogpatch. She was, by all accounts, the most “homeliest gal in town”.  All her life, she sat a waiting for some man to come a court’in. Alas, at 35 she has seen her hopes dwindle and become the leading spinster of Dogpatch.

Now, her daddy, being a good minded man feared his daughter would spend her whole life living in the home so he called all the he-man in the county to his front porch and declared that this day would be “Sadie Hawkins Day”.  Old man Hawkins was a might smart for his britches. He knew his Sadie could outrun most of them fellars. So, a foot race ensued. All the men a run’in and Sadie just a chase’in. 

Sadie seemed to have set her heart on a fetching young he-man named Adam. Unfortunately, Adam seemed rather fond of another young lady named Theresa who had so many courtship offers you had to take your shoes off (if you had them) to count. 

What would have happened if she’d a clasped one of these fine young men in her arms, why they’d a had to marry her. You see, on Sadie Hawkins Day, a man can’t refuse a woman’s proposal.

Growing up in school, we did Sadie Hawkins Day. On the day before the 29^th of February, there was a two-hour break around lunchtime. It was our chance, not to do a foot race, but to find the young man of our dreams and ask him to the dance the next day. Of course, he couldn’t refuse us. Of course, the boys all hid in the bathroom or boys locker rooms. But oh, the fun, cause everyone wore those short shorts that Daisy Duke seemed to put in fashion a year or so back and the boys dressed in jeans and plaid like Lil’ Abner. 

Does this holiday have any other history????

Oh, funny you should ask.

The whole extra day came about as they tried to reconcile the Georgian and Julian Calendars. The extra day was added every four years under what is called Coordinated Universal Time based on the variations of the earth’s rotation. 

HOWEVER, the fun part comes from Ireland and Britain’s history.  Tradition has it, ladies may propose marriage only in Leap years begun by St. Patrick (yep, the guy who chased the snakes from Ireland) or Brigid of Kildare.  In 1228, Mary Queen of Scots, who was then in Norway, levied fines if the proposal was refused. Fines included gloves, a single rose, and a kiss. One has to remember; she was only 5 at the time.  

 By the 17^th century, the Leap Day was when women could wear pants and no man could refuse the request of marriage.  A few hundred years later, breeches were forgotten and the signal for men to hide was the flash of a red petticoat. (Makes you wonder why Rhett bought that one for Mammy)

Whatever reason you choose; you gals get yourself ready to catch your man on Saturday.

Now, if you find yourself with nothing to do, I’m going to be hosting a Sadie Hawkins Day over on my Facebook author page. We are going to be talking hero’s and heroine’s, fun situations, and playing my version of Mystery Date.  I hope some of you will come over and play along. Win some swag or a book. 

The link to my author’s page is: https://bit.ly/2Tbx7Th 

Y'all have fun now, ya hear! 

Nan O'Berry.

Legendary Female Gambler Kitty Leroy

The thrill of the wild west didn’t just belong to the men. There were plenty of women who were as skilled in cards and guns as Bat Masterson and Doc Holiday. One such female who thrived on the edge of danger, and died young, was Kitty Leroy.

Kitty was born in Michigan in 1850. She began dancing at the young age of ten and by 14 was a professional in the dance halls and saloons. During this time, dancing wasn’t her only passion. She learned to handle knives and guns, becoming more proficient than most men. Her first husband, whom she married at the age of 15, was the only man in their town willing to let her shoot an apple off his head. But Kitty grew restless with small town life and longed for bigger and better things. Her husband didn’t share her desires, so she left him and headed west in search of fortune.     

Game of Faro

Kitty landed in Dallas, Texas and continued with her dancing career, but soon gave it up for dealing Faro. She became an accomplished gambler and continued mastering her skills with guns and knives. It was during this time she took to dressing in men’s clothes and married her 2^nd husband at the age of 20. They moved to California in the hopes of opening a saloon, but Kitty left him for husband number three. This marriage was extremely short. Legend dictates she challenged him to a fight but he refused to fight a woman. She donned her man’s clothes and challenged him a second time. Again, he refused so she shot him. When he didn’t die instantly, she sent for a preacher and married him while he lay on the ground. He died a few days after.

Deadwood

Kitty left California and made her way to Deadwood in 1876, traveling in a wagon party with Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane. Once in Deadwood, she found work as a prostitute in Mollie Johnson’s brothel. Shortly after gaining employment with Mollie, she opened the Mint Gambling Saloon and married her 4th husband, a German prospector who struck gold. His money dried up fast and so did her interest with him. Arguing became second nature for them until the night she hit him over the head with a bottle and tossed him out, effectively ending their marriage.  

Alone again, Kitty continued managing her saloon and her girls, earning a good profit. On June 11, 1877, she married for the last time to prospector and gambler Samuel R. Curley. Kitty’s marriage to Samuel was also steeped in violence. He was extremely jealous of her, and with reason. She continued with her promiscuous ways, including having an affair with her ex-husband and one with Wild Bill, or so rumor suggests. Samuel shot and killed Kitty on the night of December 6, 1877 then killed himself. They were laid to rest together the next day.

   Somewhere in Kitty’s colorful 28 years, she had a daughter. At the time of her death, Deadwood newspapers printed her estate was left to her daughter, Kitty Donally. 

Love in Days Gone By

I love writing historical romance, and one of the most fascinating and enjoyable aspects of that career is the research involved to bring characters to life. It's quite an understatement, of course, to say that life in the past was much different from today, yet in many ways, human nature hasn't changed all that much. Women then, as now, have wanted love and happiness, and have appreciated the values of home and family.

In The Wrong Woman, I wrote the following. In this little snippet from the story, Abigail and a friend begin by discussing a man...and end up contemplating what it means to be a woman:

~ ~ ~

“Let’s put our heads together, shall we? Maybe we can figure out why Will is acting so peculiar.”

Abigail pulled up a chair. “He’s a man, that’s why.”

“Men are always joking about their inability to understand women, but it works both ways, don’t you think?” asked Julia. “I mean, men are probably much more of a puzzlement than any woman could ever be. Our wants are so simple, really. We want to be loved and respected. We want to make a good marriage, raise a family of well-mannered children, and grow comfortably old with the man we love. What’s so difficult to understand in that?” The question was rhetorical. It required no response.

What an accurate observation, thought Abigail as she sipped her tea. In a few simple, straight-forward sentences, Julia had neatly summed up the precise nature of being a woman.

Love and marriage.

Home and family.

~ ~ ~

Fortunately, women had many helpful resources to which they could turn for practical advice and down-to-earth instructions on how to achieve those cherished goals.  One popular reference was Married Love, also known as Love in Marriage, written by Dr. Maria Carmichael Stopes. 

I've browsed around a bit and have come up with some very interesting bits of advice from Dr. Stopes.

Marriage and Toiletry

Now, it may enchant a man once -- perhaps even twice -- or at long intervals -- to watch his goddess screw her hair up into a tight and unbecoming knot and soap her ears. But it is inherently too unlovely a proceeding to retain indefinite enchantment.

To see a beautiful woman floating in the deep, clear water of her bath -- that may enchant for ever, for it is so lovely, but the unbeautiful trivialities essential to the daily toilet tend only to blur the picture and to dull the interest and attention that should be bestowed on the body of the loved one.

Pet Him

Men are, at heart, eternally children, and such tender petting as comforts children warms and sweetens a grown man's life. The "good night" should be a time of delightful forgetting of the outward scars of the years, and a warm, tender, perhaps playful exchange of confidence.

Be Always Escaping

Man is still essentially the hunter, the one who experiences the desires and thrills of the chase, and dreams ever of coming unawares upon Diana in the woodlands. I think that, in the interests of husbands, an important piece of advice to wives is: Be always escaping.

Ensure that you allow your husband to come upon you only when there is delight in the meeting. 

Whenever the finances allow, the husband and wife should have separate bedrooms, failing that, they should have a curtain which can at will be drawn so as to divide the room they share.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yes, life was different indeed in days gone by. Love, too, was different in some respects, yet very much the same in others. I believe we can learn from the past, and I hope to create a home for my family that reflects many of the traditional, "old-fashioned" values which were once taught as part of what it meant to be a woman.

Finding little gems of wisdom through my research always brings a smile to my heart, and I'll leave you now with this sage advice for  loving wives and their husbands:

Never speak loudly to one another, unless the house is on fire.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Until next month...may your lives be blessed with love!

Christina