History of Courting

www.daniellelisle.com

Courting has undergone changes through the years.  Couples have traditionally met at barn dances, church socials,  in bars, at dances, on blind dates, and a myriad of other ways.  In some foreign countries, arranged marriages are common to this day.  A girl child is traditionally promised to a young man and is obligated  to honor her parents' word.  There may be a dowry involved to sweeten the deal.

Prior to the 20th century, one man and one woman met under the chaperoning eye of the woman's family specifically for the purpose of getting to know one another and assess suitability for marriage. The two 'daters' usually were from families of the same social status, wealth, and standing in the community.  While it may not have been ideal for either of the couple, it was the norm of the age.

google images

In the 1800s, things radically changed because of the Civil War.  With so many women widowed by the battle between the North and the South, marriage between complete strangers became a popular way to meet and wed.  Can you imagine answering an ad in a local newspaper, placed by a complete stranger who is seeking a bride? I can't, but many women did.  Thus began the popularity of the "mail-order" bride.

Women often left their families to travel sometimes hundreds of miles to wed the person who placed a want ad for a wife. They walked into unknown situations, homes that may have been much less than  they were used to and living conditions that required major adjustments,  I've always been told there has to be some sort of chemistry between two people to aid in an attraction, but I guess if you never saw the person until the day you stepped off a  stage coach or train, you found yourself settling for whatever came your way.

Of course, marriage among virtual strangers had been the norm for years among the American Indian population.  A bride payment often swayed the maiden's father to choose whichever brave offered the most for his daughter.  I wonder how many horses and blankets I would have been worth.

The coming of the railroad played an important role in courting.  In 1882, a businessman by the name of Fred Harvey searched rural areas for unwed young women, especially those of good character, with suitable looks and fair intelligence, to serve as waitresses in cafes along the Santa Fe Trail.  I believe these establishments began the term "whistlestops."  The women who responded to Mr Harvey were required to remain single for a year, live under chaperoned circumstances and respond to callers in "courting parlors."  Nearly 5,000 of these "Harvey girls" were married by the beginning of the new century.  You can bet he pocketed a good sum for providing brides for many lonely men.

www.oldtrailsmuseum.org

We've come a long way.  Now people meet on the Internet, correspond by email and chat on the phone as a means of getting to know one another.  Problems arise when dishonest folks see an opportunity to take advantage by posting fake profiles and photos to entice interest.  It would seem we've taken a step back to mail-order by not meeting face-to-face, asking questions, and truly discovering flaws and habits that may inhibit a happy relationship.  In fact, if I may step out of the western genre for a second, I wrote a book based on my sister's "luck" with Internet dating, entitled, "Betrayed."




I've touched a little on paying a bride price in Yellow Moon.