by Andrea Downing
Last
night I had a discussion over dinner as to what I was writing at the
moment. From that we were led into where
I get my ideas, why I write about the west, why I write romance, and so on and
so forth. If you’re an author and reading this, you’ve been there I’m sure. How
do you name a character or find their names? How do you choose your setting? Do
you have the entire story plotted out? Do you know the ending? The questions
came at me faster than an outlaw on the run.
Well,
I’m not going to answer those questions here if that’s what you’re
thinking—unless of course you happen to put them in the comments section. But I thought I’d give you a small taste of
the opening of my WIP and see if anyone wishes to comment or critique it—all
criticism gratefully received. I’m also,
purposefully, not giving you the working title since that can lead to all sorts
of problems. So here we go:
Part One
Chapter One
The first thing Shiloh Coltrane thought, as
he went flying through the glass of the The Painted Lady Saloon, was he was
going to hurt like hell if he didn’t first bleed to death. The second thought
that passed through his slightly foggy brain as he hit the iron bar, which
served to protect the glass from kicking horse hooves not flying people, was
this was going to cost him big-time and anger every man in town. And as he
landed on the wooden boardwalk, rolling away from the possibility of further
infliction from the tied horses, glass shattering and splintering around him,
the vision that had descended the steps from the second floor flashed through
his mind’s eye as if death was approaching and his entire life had come to this
point.
Which in some vague way he was aware it had.
That woman. Soiled dove? Surely not. Too
neat, prim, and fully clothed. So what was she doing there?
He lay for a moment as the boardwalk
vibrated with a power not unlike an earthquake and voices grew like thunder
moving in. A slight odor of manure wafted up, the prickle and sting of
fractured glass, and a knowledge that any which way he moved, pain was
inevitable—all became apparent.
Then, as the squeak of the saloon doors
invaded his hearing, Bozy the bartender’s voice slammed into his brain: “That
there glass come all the way from Pittsburgh, Coltrane. You know how much that
gonna cost to replace? You know how I’m gonna have to cover up that there winda
while we wait for a replacement? And the painting to be done? You know how much
all that gonna cost? You! It’s gonna cost you!”
Shiloh felt the scrape of the glass
fragments as he lifted his head gingerly and twisted to look Bozy in the eye.
He’d removed his gloves earlier and in order to push himself up, the tenderness
of bruises just now becoming evident, he knew he’d have to risk some of those
splinters embedding themselves further into his skin. He pivoted on to his
buttocks, now conscious something had stuck him in the behind, right through
his jeans and union suit. He pulled his legs in, bent, and somehow managed to
squat. His hands found and gripped the window’s iron bar behind him, and he
pushed himself to his full height.
“You tell Ike to pay for that, Bozy. And
tell him not to show his face in town or he’ll have two windows to pay for.”
“Ike’s not gonna pay nothing. He ain’t got
two nickels to rub together. He’s already hightailed it outta here.”
“I see. So just because I have a ranch that
actually sees a profit I’m supposed to pay on behalf of the dumb brute that
just flung me through your window? Good luck with that.” He glanced around for
his hat and spotted it clutched in the hands of one of the doves.
Without meeting his gaze, she held it out.
Shiloh took it and nodded his thanks, dusted it down, more to see if he could
get some glass splinters out of his hands than to get dust off the hat. He
studied Bozy’s face, a mix of upset and anger, worry and thought.
“I’ll see what I can do about Ike.” Shiloh
tried to keep his voice noncommittal.
“You gonna shoot him?”
“No, I’m not gonna shoot him. Damn fool.”
His hands inadvertently slipped to his thighs but the discomfort stopped him
from actually feeling for his Colts.
“Why’d you start that fight, then? You gotta
chip on your shoulder big as all outdoors!”
“I didn’t start the fight. And I said I’d
see what could be done.”
“You’re good with your hands, Coltrane.
Usually. You can do the work.”
“I guess. Maybe. Let me know when the glass
arrives.”
“Well, what the hell happened there anyway?”
The crowd drew a little closer and suddenly
Shiloh felt the air sucked from his lungs. He wanted to get out, get home, get
the glass picked out.
“I asked him where Parmeter was.”
It was as if the ring of onlookers moved as
one person and took two steps back.
“Parmeter?”
“Yeah. You remember Parmeter? My sister’s
husband?”
“You been askin’ ’bout Parmeter ever since
you come back. Give it up, why don’t you?”
A chatter punctuated by snorts and sly looks
met this statement.
“I’m not giving up ’til I find out who
killed my sister and where Parmeter’s gone. And I hadn’t asked Ike before.”
Bozy shook his head. “Looks like he don’t
know nothing ’bout Parmeter from where I stand.” He seemed to think a moment.
“You best be gettin’ on over to that new doc’s.”
“What new doc’s? Since when do we have a
doctor?”
Bozy’s mouth puckered and moved like he
didn’t want to swallow something awful in his mouth. “A few weeks back. Only
temporary I’d think. Lives up near the fort, treats the Indians at the agency,
comes down here once a week. Sees folks over in the storeroom of the
mercantile. Name’s Sydney Cantrell.”
© Andrea Downing
And if you need some good reading to keep you
occupied while I continue to work on that, maybe my Lawless Love would fit the
bill. It’s available in both eBook and
Audible. See https://www.amazon.com/Lawless-Lawmen-Outlaws-Andrea-Downing-ebook/dp/B00D0TB0DO/
Lacey
Everhart has carved out a tough existence in the wilds of 1880s Wyoming,
working hard to build a secure life for herself and her younger brother, Luke.
She will stop at nothing to protect what’s hers and keep them safe. Even if it
means keeping a secret that could destroy their lives.
Marshal
Dylan J. Kane is a man who considers everything as black and white, right or
wrong. He's never seen life any other way until he sets eyes on Lacey. Suddenly
the straight and narrow that he's followed has a few twists and turns. Loving
Lacey offers the home life for which he hankers...but can he really love a
woman who seems to be plain lawless?
Excerpt:
Lacey thought
of fluttering her eyelashes, but it was such a silly thing to do. How
could women act like that? She just looked up at the marshal and waited, the
possibilities turning over in her mind, flitting through her head but never
settling.
“You wanna tell me what really happened now so
we can try to sort this matter? All I can do is promise I’ll do everything in
my power to sort it for you, but I cain’t help you less’n you tell the truth.
You tell me lies and make me look a dang fool, there’s nothin’ I can do. You
understand that?”
Along with
the tiniest nod, she clasped her hands together. She looked up at Dylan Kane
and saw kindness in that face, a face she could so easily have loved had things
been different. She could sense the heat radiating from his body and knew if
she touched his chest, a strength would exist where his heart beat. If she ran
her hand down his arms, she would find that same strength in his muscle. How
she wanted those arms around her! All her life, it seemed, she had looked after
herself, cared for her brother, struggled to make a home for the two of them.
What would it have been like if Morgan had not...
“Lacey?”
Dylan’s soft voice brought her back from her reveries. “You ready to tell the
truth?” With one gentle finger, he lifted her chin so their gazes met for a
moment before they each stepped back from the brink of something neither could
control. “Lacey?” he repeated.
“Yes, I’m
ready.”
12 comments:
Love this Andrea! Thank you for sharing part of you WIP. Hugs!
Your very welcome, Julie. Thanks for your kind comment.
Andrea, LOVE IT! I'm right in the hero's head from the first word, feeling what he's feeling. And I'm intrigued by what's going on in the background. An excellent start, I'd say.
One suggestion for a slight tweak: In this line, near the beginning: this was going to cost him big-time and anger every man in town-- I'd change "anger" to "rile up", just for the vernacular.
Thanks for letting us read!
Laura, thanks so much for the comment. Great suggestion. I like the word 'rile' but I have to admit I've never seen it used with 'up'?
Wow! How exciting. And I want to know what happened to parmeter too!! and who the primly dressed lady in the saloon is :) Looking forward to more!
Love this!!!! You got me right at the first sentence. The details, the hero, your voice--perfection. Already it's sounding like a unique story. It's fun to see an author's work in progress. The first page of the first chapter is so important, and you nailed it.
Ah, Parmeter, not to mention the primly dressed lady. All will be revealed, Barb! Thanks.
Thanks Patti, that's quite a compliment coming from a fellow author. I only hope the rest of the book lives up to it.
It's a great opening, Andi! Really grabs the reader.
Thanks Kristy. Glad you like it!
You packed a lot of information into that short piece. Great beginning. I lovre stories that open with action and you nailed it. One thought that ran through my mind is somehow make shorter sentences for this action beginning. JMHO. And the thought that crossed my mind....what if that prim, fully-dressed woman is the new temporary doc in town? She could have a man's name. I mean what a scene, her picking bits of glass out of his bare buttocks
Thank you Elizabeth for those comments--I'll definitely look into the length of sentences. As for the next scene in the doctor's office, well, I think I'll leave it for now for you to eventually (I hope) discover whether you are right on track. :-)
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